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Starve Me

Still As A Model In A Photo

Created on 2005-01-31 10:29:00 (#5966880), last updated 2008-11-19

45 comments received, 147 comments posted

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157 Journal Entries, 2 Tags, 25 Memories, <10 ScrapBook Files, 0 Virtual Gifts, 2 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	emo_ending
Birthdate:	1988-03-16
Location:	Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Website:	http://emo-ending.livejournal.com/

Bio

"My hair falls out, my nails are brittle and my mind is sick. It (my mind) never has a silent moment, because it's constantly comparing me to other people- girls; skinny girls. Several times durring the day, I will recount the calories i've had for the week. Daily, I strive for under a hundred. If I binge, and have 500+ calories I will fail. I will fail at everything. My control will be gone, and I will be worthless. If I can keep ontop of my calorie intake, maybe, when i'm thin, i'll mean something. To someone- anyone.

this is anorexia. Wanting to look good by summer break for your boyfriend isnt. It's not fun, cute or sexy. It looks entertaining in the beginning, even a quick fix to loose a few pounds. But sooner or later, it becomes an addiction.

Quit while you're ahead"

- Heather Logan

"At a certain point, an eating disorder ceases to be 'about' any one thing. It stops being about your family, or your culture. Very simply, it becomes an addiction not only emotionally, but also chemically. And it bcomes a crusade. If you are honest with yourself, you stop believing that anyone could 'make' you do such a thing- who, your parents? They want you starve to death? Not likely. Your enviroment? It couldn't care less. You are also doing it for yourself. It is a shortcut to something many women without an eating disorder have gotten: respect and power. It is a visual temper tantrum. You are making a ineffective statement about this and that, a grotesque, self-defeating mockery of cultural standards of beauty, societal misogyny. It is a blow to your parents, at whom you are pissed.
And it is so very seductive. It is so ressuring, so all-consuming, so entertaining.
At first."

-Wasted(64); Mayra Hornbacher

"'Do you want to get well?' They'll ask. You'll shrug and look at the scale, wondering how off it is, whether it will lie and tell them you weigh three pounds more then you actually do. You will be obliged to correct it, on principle, to save your soul, and for your pains you will find yourself with a new address, Eating Disorders Unit, Eighth Floor, having confirmed their suspicions, because who, with a pulse of forty-three and a systolic pressure careening in certical swoops, gives a flying fuck if the scale is three pounds off? An anoretic, that's who. Does she care that she's dying? Hell, no."